Burnley v Leeds

Burnley, literally in Old English means meadow (lea) by River Brun which in itself is amusing as Brun means stream or brook. Burnley was vey much at the heart of the Industrial Revolution, and is famed for its preserved Victorian industrial buildings along the Leeds and Liverpool canal showcasing its textile history. It hosts the last surviving steam-powered weaving machine in the world and posseses a Mechanics Theatre where you can enjoy shows like Tesla the Musical and Starlight Express. Burnley does have a dark underbelly, it was the home of the Pendle Witch Trials of 1612 during the reign of Good King James VI of Scotland. It's also got the Panopticon - a singing ringing tree, which is great for christmas carollers.

Burnely FC though has a fine footballing pedigre. Founded in 1882 by the Rugby Team (not cricket!!!) as Burnley Rovers. The Rovers moniker would be dropped in 1887, which made more sense given they had a permanent home in Turf Moor since 1883. At the outset, Burnley refused to join the FA as the Association originally banned professional players. In 1884, along with 35 other teams, Burnley formed an alternative breakaway Football Association called the Alternative Association. This was finally resolved when the FA utterly capitulated and agreed to legalize professionalism in 1885. Burnely would go on to become one of the founding clubs of the English League 1n 1888.

Burnley have a pretty decent record having won thw First Division in 1920/21 and again in 1960/61. They beat Liverpool 1-0 to win the 1914 FA Cup, the last before the First World War. They also won the 1960 Leage Cup, and the Second Division/Championhip in 1898/89, 1966/67, and 2009/2010. The team's defence was nicknamed "The Iron Curtain" in the 1960s, and in particular after the 1961/62 season, when they only conceded 29 goals in 42 league matches. The current team are doing their best to match this feat.  In the 1980s, a mouse apparently ran across the Turf Moor pitch. Burnley fans still joke that their defence was so strong they could withstand a mouse invasion.

Famous firsts. A Burnley player, William Tait, scored the first ever hattrick in the English League in 1888 (Cantona was the first to score one in the premiership). After the match, Tait got drunk celebrating and was suspended by the club for their next game. He returned for the next three games, scoring two goals, but then failed to turn up for the away game at Stoke on 20 October 1888 and the following week a local newspaper reported that he was "no longer a Burnley player". Tait That!

Burnley's nickname is the 'Clarets', but they don't produce any Bordeaux that's worth drinking. Their mascot is Bertie Bee, a Merlot-sozzled annoying insect with a sting in the tail. At Burnley's fan events, such as player signings or open training sessions, Bertie often makes a beeline for the touchline. Burnley's anthem is Claret and Blue Army which has the highly imaginative lines Claret and Blue Army, Claret and Blue Arm, We're the Claret and Blue Army, and we're going to Wembley. Lyrics aren't their strongest suit.

Famous celebrities from Burnley include Bobby Charlton, Jonny Vegas, Andrew Flintoff, Peter Kay, Sir George Everest and Fighter Pilot John Jack F. Bradbury.

The Iron Curtain have the best defence in the league, having only conceded 9 goals all season, and they have home advantage. Their last five results are DDWDW, however we are top and they are third, and our last five matches have been WDDWW. I expect a goalless draw on monday. Players to watch out for are Leeds flops, Connor Roberts & Jaidon Anthony, midfielder and nine goal hero, Josh Brownhill, and keeper James Trafford. That's all the BS and crap facts for this match.